Conflict is a natural part of life and those who handle
conflict well are going to do better than others. There should be a distinction
between conflict and unethical behavior which perpetuates conflict when
improper information doesn’t lead to a more steadfast middle ground. The book
Negotiating Success by Jim Hornickel delves into successful negotiating tactics
that dissolve conflict and build report.
All conflict should be based in RESPECT that add to positive possibilities. At times it is not
possible to get both sides to act in truthful and a respectful manner. This may
be the time to end the negotiations, lead them down a new path, or ensure that
the greatest benefit is the most likely outcome.
Responsiveness:
Negotiations entail a series of exchanges and being responsive to those
exchanges while not losing sight of the bigger outcome is important. When
communication is one sided it means that only one side is exchanging
information which leads to a slant on the truth that seeks to create a zero sum
game. Responsiveness should be in terms of win-win versus winner take all.
Empathy:
Negotiations require the ability to understand the other, their motivations,
and their feelings. The more you understand other people and their needs the
better the negotiation process will be. Those who lack empathy will seek to win
at all costs which creates a destructive game.
Service:
Mutuality based negotiation means that one is being of service to both their
and the other side. Successful negotiations attempts to understand the needs of
others and find a way they can fulfill their needs as well as yours. This
requires a mentality of service that knows how to find common ground between
needs.
Perspectives: Perspective
is point of view. Understand your own point of view, the other party’s point of
view, and the wider point of view leads to awareness. Understanding each other’s
perspective can make it easier to find common areas of interest. Without this
understanding a blindness of battle occurs.
Esteem: Esteem is
related to self-esteem. If you are negotiating with an opponent with low
self-esteem they will create very testy interactions, fail to grasp the bigger
picture, and focus on very small wins. In life, we learn this lesson when
dealing with others who must win at all costs even when that damages
themselves. Sometimes it is beneficial to let them earn little wins if they are
not mentally capable of seeing how those wins lead to a positive outcome for
everyone.
Courage: Courage
is the mastery of discomfort and the ability to create win-win situations even
when other stakeholders don’t see the possibility. Courage is required to move
to higher levels of understanding and make things happen even when no one else
seems to understand the bigger picture. Sometimes you may need to go it alone
and this takes great courage.
Truth-Telling:
Courage and truth are similar. Without truth you cannot build trust and the
avoidance of truth will lead to lying, deception, misrepresentation and
nondisclosure. A lack of truth will lead each side to stick tightly to their
positions due to a lack of trust making middle ground impossible. The more
people are convinced of the wrongness of the other the more they will refuse to
budge their positions.
We often view proper negotiations as yelling, screaming,
pointing, and fighting. It is a macho game where one must dominate another. The
book teaches us this is a fool’s game if both sides lose. Negotiations is about
wisdom and finesse. It may be beneficial to draw a line but an unyielding line
without an alternative path creates conflict. The book helps us understand
productive negotiations from the perspective of a master negotiator.
Hornickel, J. (2014). Negotiation
Success. New Jersey; John Wiley & Sons
