The world and its people are a smorgasbord of different personalities, needs and opinions. That is the flavor of life! In such a big social field you are going to come across people who have adapted poor behaviors toward others. You may even run into a few groups that encourage toxicity based on political, racial, and religious justifications. The hypothetical example I have been using is Catholic, Muslim, Jew to show anyone can be a perpetrator or victim. In a universal society it also includes any race that has drawn the disdain of others.
Let's provide a hypothetical example for learning purposes. Your not a perfect person but pretty friendly and involved in multiple groups and clubs. Generally your a contributor and accomplished most goals in various areas of life because your seen as highly competent both by objective outcomes but also by tests that indicate your highly gifted with a strong moral compass. Projecting rudeness isn't part of your framework.
Typically you don't have a problem in most places, times or clubs except in areas influenced by a hate group that has been accused by multiple people of deep bigotries and corruption. Your politeness allows you to see a pattern and create a statistical model that helps show which group members are causing the problem with persistent belittling and hate chatter. Your not alone in your values because there are 10s of millions who also have good values.
Because your a nice guy/gal you dissuade people from listening to this group and their narrative because you want them to thrive and not involve themselves based on their own immaturity and inability to insulate themselves from the toxic group. Stepping out of the herd is difficult for most people who have a small inner compass.
First, don't fret the mistake is the person/people who engage in these behaviors but also the culture and the lack of checks n balances that gives them immunity to persist. Second, you have a greater responsibility to ensure all people can engage in society freely. Maybe you have sworn oaths to improve society to many other groups and organizations during your life. Third, because you want to be the best person you can continue to be polite, question if necessary but also encourage them not to step into the potholes of destructiveess that damages social cohesion. In other words, be better than your persecutors.
Things do change and sometimes they create opportunities for positive outcomes. While you may not be able to change the underlying psychological distortions that come from insecurities, envy, jealousies and "better than you" bias you can do your part for the next highly diverse generation who have more of a right to open opportunities versus the false rights of those who restrict those freedoms.
Continue to let them define their inner values and you do the same. Appreciate the lessons they gave you as gifts so you can teach others how these things work on an actualized level. Take some heart that when you swear an oath you keep it and stand for our American values no matter the outcomes or failures of others.
Three Articles on the Science of Incivility:
A pretty good deep article and study on the science of incivility and how it damages workplace cohesion. Science of Incivility
An interesting article on condescending behaviors and how it damages organizations. Some stats on how it impacts co-workers and impacts the total environment. Disrespectful employees?
People's moral compass can often be defined by how they use language. Showing appreciation in a certain percentage of language indicates your moral compass. So does being condescending and spewing rude comments. True to Moral Colors
*This is a hypothetical example for learning purposes only. Take with a grain of salt.
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