Sunday, February 26, 2023

Why We Should Stop Caring About What Other People Think? The Value of Names and Name Calling

People are people and there is a constant sort of social negotiation going on all the time and everyday. Its fairly normal and you can expect that in all societies. There are different groups and there are different crowds. Some will rally around one interest and another will rally around a different one. Bouncing between these groups can sort of give you a perspective based on the differences in interest and culture. Each one focuses on a sliver of interest and aspect of life. Its something they "identify" with. Let us expand the social club perspective...

People will think what they want to think. Sometimes there is a toxic soul among the bunch that creates all the problems and its hard for people to see that. They know how to exploit differences in an attempt to manage their fears of the unknown. Minorities are often seen as the unknown. Likewise, if you are an actual unknown that creates deeper inner insecurities. That is where the problems start (i.e. the problem with those who have deeper insecurities and manipulate others through false information and rumor spreading. They dont need to know, dont have any right to know, but they should not project on others. That should also not be protected as a way of dealing with people that are different than us. Filling in blanks with self narration as an indication of inner turmoil. If you dont know most people wont go to the most negative thing to fill the info gap. They dont recogniz that they dont know what they dont know. Filling In gaps without practical knowledge or evidence based thinking leads to all types of miscued thinking that is then projected among social groups to harm the targets. Typically in the most dark and chaos way they can convince others.)

I've found despite the initial attempt to cleans "their town" through rumor spreading, false reporting and general aggressive mayhem the long term impact of that is limited. It may have actually done the opposite in some ways, as it highlighted the "truth" of the intentionally destructive behaviors (Its difficult for people to see this asmental health driven mixed with an attempt to misuse close connections and racial/religious fears/bigotries to bully others of course. Discard that idea as well quickly....)

The point being this is an opportunity to deal with local based hate through positive forced self-reflection. The goal was to reflect back accurately as possible without sugar coating (As close to the real reflection you can get. There is danger in saying truth to falsehood.) This means that failure to self-reflect would lead to increasing legal problems that will likely not turn out well for anyone; specifically those who started the problem and failed to show a sense of humanity to others. 

I can only tell you what my current perspective is on this situation. Let us call this hypothetical example a control group and a subject group on a very loose meaning of the term. On one side you have a White guy with an American name and on the other you have a White guy with an "American" name based in this case in Caucasian origins (I actually have some ancestral connection to Caucasia through DNA testing but also to a lot of other places. It wasn't really the point. It was to see difference in the same thing. The term means almost nothing factually, but has much value socially. Its bazaar considering how mixed up we are nationally. In some ways my "American" name is just as logical, if not more logical, as my American name. What we see on an individual and in turn a social level in many ways defines who we are.). 

The same person, two different names, and two different environmental responses. One sees you as a friend and the other sees you with suspicion. One will say hi to you and the other will sometimes try to socially position themselves against you (It shocks people when you don't buy into their narrative and act as having just as much value as them. It enrages some! Just wait and see what happens the more I talk. Waiting, waiting, .....) . Its also not my religion that should give people of concern because I'm actually a cultural Catholic but also incorporate aspects of Islam, Judaism and a couple of other philosophies into my spiritual world view. It is actually more accurate if you believe all end up pointing to same place. My actually values mean little when they are put within the context of being categorized into a specific religion (I can define myself well, however others struggle with it. Is it my issue or theirs?).

There is a silver lining to all of this. With familiarity, proper socializing, and shared sense of community those differences begin to diminish and get better. I suspect there will be a day when it doesn't matter any more and the only difference between people is the quality of their character (Universal Democracy as the next leg of development that will likely be carried on the wings of new information and patterns of socialization brought forward through technology. Think of how much more information changes our impression of ourselves and the where and how conversations across the globe will lead to collective awareness. The best place is to be universal with values that that are American/"American" and appeal to the rest of the globe ). The ability to move beyond the narrative of those who promote division will be the deciding factor for many things in the future. We are either all pulling in the same direction or we are pulling against each other.

Me?, I have no plans other then to be truthful, polite, challenging, and of course humbled by the experience. I will not sugar coat because I have an oath and duty to the rest of my Americans/"Americans". Its not easy trying to be an adult in society, but the potential harm this group could have caused is immeasurable (I guess it won't seem like such a problem if you do feel that "those people", however, you define that, are truly less worthy; half citizen. Actions in this case highlight that their words were not empty. They truly believed we had little to no value as people. If you become a target you can see it, feel it, understanding it, and do your best to protect yourself, family and others. If you have never been a target that could lead to serious consequences, you really don't have a perspective you can use to understand what I'm saying.)

It is best to make sure there is no future misunderstandings and hopefulness that if there are any future misunderstandings they would be handled in a more constructive way. I don't really care much what other people think from the outside, because I have learned over the last 20 years with a Muslim sounding name that hate is destructive to our society and cuts our capacities nearly in half. I am consciously aware of the risks of exercising freedom of speech and religion in ways that are not pleasing to the narrowness of perspective of some but often more truthful than others.  Especially as extremism rises. In this case, so far people have exceeded my expectations of skepticism that change can happen. For that I am wrong, perhaps I'm wrong about some other stuff? (I could go on and say some very truthful things about that and the need to change but that isn't going to be constructive in this situation. The only thing I can say is that we have an untapped source of power many of our leaders do not understand. More about that some other time...)

Its an opportunity to learn for others as well. Its an opportunity to learn that the deeper roots of hate is mental health based. While I try and encourage that knowledge and the passage of legislation designed to help people who go down that line it isn't an easy thing to propose. When to intervene, when to not intervene, when mental health is mandatory, and when it is optional. All of that comes into play.  Its a legal mess. A political booby trap. Tread carefully politicians and peeps.

Anyway, I say that the long term impact of the rumor spreading is little. The clan members (meaning the good old boy network with racial and religious undertones) are unlikely to be particularly friendly to me, the rest of the community has been more then gracious. I don't hear about it anymore and it appears that people have come to understand the self interest in those rumors. As a lesson for those dealing with similar situation, that you have to make it through the initial wave of hate and then show back up to take a hit again. Keep taking your hits and eventually you will own the space. Persistence wins because you know your standing up for something important. You have more right to protect your family than the perpetrators have to engage in these activities. No need for aggression. Plenty of need for courage.

That may not work that way for everyone. I'm an old-new meaning that most of what people remember of me is that I'm polite and friendly. Even a little geeky. They can find some of those very same traits still today layered on experience after experience almost no one in that crowd is going to be able to relate so its pointless to try. When I look back at my own life I'm fascinated and while I understand why I went on a quest for truth (science), I had no idea how that may have inadvertently blazed a unique trail. I'm trying to apply it in a helpful way....but it will be unique knowledge and people will pull their hair out when it doesn't confirm their pre-existing bias.

At the end of the day, its just a story with some level of moral underlining. I guess that underlining would be something along the lines of covers of books and challenging assumptions. If you have not walked a mile in another man's shoes, you have no idea who they are. When you finally have the right to judge other people, is when you judge yourself correctly, and you use the knowledge that gave you that wisdom to judge others more accurately. Reflections upon reflections upon reflections until you get a 360 degree view of yourself. A type of metacognition.

From a philosophical perspective, you must see yourself correctly to see others correctly. That is the problem with hate. They don't see themselves correctly. Its root is very sad and very dark. This is why even in hate you respond with empathy and want to reach out with a hand designed to get them up the next rung in their personal development. Sometimes people slap that helping hand because they do not understand what they don't understand. There is effort in change. Its hard to judge that from the outside. In my limited mind, hate is the symptom of a deeper cause and I believe I understand that cause. This is also why I did not advocate for jail time but did advocate for mandatory mental health. 

Can we get others to believe in the universal principles that made our country great in the past and is likely what is needed to maintain our way of life in the future? I still have hope....roll the dice....let's turn the page in America's history.

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