Expect Little but Receive Much from People: New Year's Wisdom

As we move into the New Years I have learned some lessons over the decades and feel it is beneficial share much of what I learned throughout my life with others. I'm not always right, but I think they do provide some level of valuable insight into at lease one perspective. While I like to give advice to my kids, and with age they have come to appreciate that advice, that doesn't mean everyone will. It also doesn't mean that my advice is always valid. What it does mean is that I'm experienced enough to provide some general advice and hopefully take some of it myself. 😏

Expect Little but Receive Much from People 

People can disappointing and because of that a great many conflicts in life are based on false expectations. While as a society we should have certain expectations and maintain certain standards for the benefit and safety of everyone most of our day-to-day interactions are are series of social interplays. Sometimes they are positive and sometimes they are negative.

The expectations we have of others are ours alone! We create them in our social world and they are highly dependent on the person and their focus on certain social exchange behaviors. Some people will focus on some things and some will focus on others.

In many cases, the wiser the person is, the less they expect, and the more humble they become. The less humble, and in many ways more emotionally demanding a person is, the more they expect people to meet their high expectations. Only from a place of wisdom can you truly guide others. Mostly you are immersed in the mix of life, pushed like a leaf in the wind, unaware until one reaches a level of metacognition.

Often the lower we are in that journey, the more we expect from others while the higher we are in that journey the lower those expectations (different than cynicism alone). Beware of those with impossible expectations because they will likely stay impossible! (They are often also incorrect expectations.)

People just sort of live their lives and get into their routines along the robopath without critical examination. Some think about things deeper and some only scratch the surface. If you lower your expectations you can come to accept people for who they are and where they are in their life's journey. Expect more beyond what someone can provide and you will be disappointed.

When you allow each person to unravel themselves and be themselves without expectation they begin to tell you a story. They may not know they are telling you a story but you are allowing them to be themselves and in turn express themselves freely. You receive insight into the person, their interest, values and lives (Sometimes that is important). 

This year instead of expecting people to meet your expectations instead take the time to let them set their own standard. Let them tell you a story about who they are and what they believe. Listen to what they talk about, how they want to be treated, how they treat others, their values, and their behavioral mannerisms. With time they may tell you a story of their inner motivations and their life's logic. 

If your trying to select a candidate to manage your money, take on a political career, move into an important role you may want to expect less and receive more. The story candidates create through their interactions with others helps you to make important decisions. While we may have fancy systems, exquisite portfolios, complex supply chains, and spectacular balance sheets at the end of the day success comes down to people and knowing who has the skills for what. 

As you come to practice the half zen wisdom of expecting less and gaining more there will come a point where you realize people want to be appreciated for who they are and not what you want them to be (A good point for those who want to inspire others to greater heights.). Clearing the smudge of expectation from your glasses often leads to greater insight. Did you expect me to say something different? 🤷