Beware of the "Selfish"-Hiring and Friendships

Each person holds the wants and needs that drive them to engage (or not) in activities that fulfill those urges. Often they are deeply biologically driven but how these needs are fulfilled is psychological (picking the tools) and social in orientation (prompting them to acceptable paths). Whether you are hiring a new employee or meeting new friends the personality has a lot to do with the benefits of certain social interactions.

Let us take this from a customers stand point. The little things count! The enthusiasm and demeanor of the customer service representative is going to make all the difference in how that customer feels. If a person is selfish it often comes through during the interaction no matter how polite the interaction. 

What does that mean?

It means that language moves beyond what is being said and includes contextual information as well as non-verbal cues. People who are selfish have programmed their brains (environmental and biological) to think of their advantage and also their disadvantage. Its hard to fake it for long!

Much of what we learn from each other we don't even know. An anticipatory effect often occurs where people are willing to trade of certain things in order to be accepted and liked as well as avoid disapproval. See Anticipatory Effect. 

People who are selfish will be giving out disapproval cues all the time and that makes them difficult to deal with over a long period. They will simply "rub" people the wrong way and that is unlikely to go away the more you know the person (one of the reasons why you cut toxic ties).

Selfishness is a trade of pro and anti social behavior. People who are pro social want to help others and in turn receive a level of help from others (helping the herd). Anti-social behavior is about helping oneself and only being nice enough to receive the benefits of that (profiting from the herd). 

Whether you are hiring a new employee and or hanging out with a new friend avoid those who are selfish. They have very little to offer in terms of reciprocal benefits and often impact the vibe of groups through their anticipatory effects. Developing strong cultures is the process of adding pro social members and removing those who show themselves to be selfish (....or perhaps that is selfish too? 🤷).